Embracing the weird

First post of 2020, I've drafted this post many times but it's never been published because I've found it really hard to talk about, but here we go....I'm embracing my weird. 

Last year, I spent some time with a therapist and she gave me some information that has been a huge realisation for me.  

The information in question was that I display a large number of characteristics that feature strongly on the autistic spectrum.  Her opening question after only two sessions was - "Have you ever considered that you might be autistic?" 

I was shocked, but on further investigation and discussion with her, it was concluded that, yes, I certainly do display strongly - I just hadn't realised and no one with that kind of knowledge had ever spoken to me to offer such a conclusion!  It's taken me quite some time to fully accept it, but the more I've learned the more I see exactly what the therapist identified.  

The thing I found most amusing about this has been that all my life I've been singled out as 'special','different' or just plain 'odd' and now after all this time I finally have a reason why - it's not that my brain is broken, it just doesn't work in exactly the same way as everyone else's.  I admit that I'd never agreed with any of the people who have ever classed me as 'special' or 'different', I'd always thought that everyone was - or could be - the same as me (in the same way someone doesn't know that they are colour-blind until something happens to point it out). 

This diagnoses has also made me understand something else too...People have often 'thanked' me for somehow showing them that it's OK to be a bit different.  Whether its been due to my flamboyant dress sense or my open refusal to live within some of societies boundaries (which I'm aware are kinda the same thing).  So....I've been happily unaware that I've been showing people that it's OK to be 'odd' all my life without even admitting that I'm odd in the first place!  

So what do I do now?  I don't feel that I'm a good advocate for others who are impacted in far more extreme ways than me so I'm never going to become some outspoken activist for the autistic community, but I can still do my part by just...being me - happily showing the world that 'odd' is perfectly OK and if they want to be a little odd too they should just cut loose! I may only have a positive impact on those who meet me but if a tiny ripple can cause a huge wave, maybe one day we can all embrace our weird and be a little happier with who we are. 

Barbie visits Amsterdam

So, I figured it was time to catch up on some of the stuff I've been up to in recent months. Whilst I was off work I did a bit of travelling with the lovely Mr B, it was great to be able to really kick back and relax and one of the places on our hit list was Amsterdam.. so we did.


We stayed in a great hotel, which was just a short wander away from some open parkland with geese friends

We saw a lot of parks...

And canals..

And bikes..

More bikes

Obviously we had to visit the sex museum, it was a good giggle - once we convinced the guy on the front desk that Mr B really was an adult (long story - but needless to say he was a sharp dude with a very dry sense of humour).  I especially loved the reactions of the other visitors, from giggling groups of girls to a young guy in the over 18+ section who was really quite shocked!

This toilet seat is broken...

Like the new punch bowl?

 Overall, we had a really great time, we are already planning another trip over in the coming months.  I'll try and take more photos next time (of everything, not just the sex museum!) 

Still Walking

It's been three weeks into my new job... and I'm still alive!

So far, so good...although I have already got a list of pet hates, (mostly about letterboxes!) a few blisters and very sore feet.  I've quickly learned not to underestimate the number of stairs a building can have and how quickly I'm expected to get up and down them, I've met some lovely dogs as well as some slightly evil ones and been warned about a few 'attack' cats.

Definitely the hardest part is the walking.  I know that sounds crazy, I'm fairly fit and it's only walking (albeit with a pretty heavy bag) but the distances covered day after day are pretty high...here's a view of my September so far...and I'm not quite doing a full route yet!

Spot the days off...

It's pretty grueling but I'm feeling like I'm slowly getting used to it so I think I'll survive.

Barbie take steps to a reformed life

I posted a while ago about leaving my job.  I took voluntary redundancy from a role that I initially loved but had grown to despise a little over the years. 

I've had a few months off, I've travelled, relaxed and enjoyed myself but now it's time to get back to a little bit of reality so I needed to find a job. 

During this time off I realised that the world of high power executive work, stuck in an office for 8+ (usually 10!) hours a day isn't right for me.  My physical and mental health was suffering and all in the name of bringing home decent money each month...money that I never really got to enjoy because I was too tired from work to do anything else. 

So, in my recent work search I applied for jobs that were a bit different from what I had been doing and the one that excited me the most was the complete opposite to my usual type of role... and that was the one that I got too!

So, next month I will be starting my new job, pounding the streets for up to 6 hours a day delivering mail.  I know that it sounds like hell to most people, but I've never felt better than when I'm getting large amounts of exercise on a regular basis.  No hassles about my personal style, no need to worry about how to fit in regular exercise and I get to come home every afternoon at a decent time and actually have time to myself.  I'm so excited that even writing this is bringing me close to tears!

I know that my first few weeks will be a challenge, my body will ache and I will have to get used to working outside in all weathers - especially the infamous Scottish sideways-falling rain - but I'm still really looking forward to it. 

I'll let you know how I get on! 

Just a little Japanese duty free

I love Japanese food so on my way home I did just a teeny bit of shopping...

Giant Pocky - in various flavours

Tokyo Banana - squishy deliciousness

Mochi Balls...

of many varieties!

Sakura Jelly

Yuki rice cakes - sweet and savoury heaven! 

Calpis candy

More hard candy - chocolate and caramel flavour I think!

Needless to say none of this lasted long after I got home...and now I want to find a place to get some closer to home!

Cinematic problems make Barbie a grumpy girl

I used to be a big cinema-goer.  Recently however, I only go when there is a movie that I REALLY want to see on the big screen - this is partially due to the rising costs and partially due to the fact that many movies I'm not that fussed to see in the cinema, but to be really honest the main reason for my growing disdain towards the cinema is...other people.

Today was an epic example.  I've just come home from watching Avengers:Endgame, we went during the day on a weekday to avoid the cinema being mobbed, however, that still didn't stop the two people in the seats directly behind talking the entire way through the film.  I'm sure the movie is as wonderful as many people have thought but my experience of it was thoroughly ruined by these two.  I found myself getting increasingly annoyed to the point that I was pretty irate by the end of the film so I don't think I got the full effect of what should have been a fairly emotional ending to such a long run of movies. 

I'm not going to pay to see it again, I'll wait for it to come out on DVD to watch (and hopefully enjoy it more!) in the peace and quiet of my own home instead. 

Best review ever

I'm planning another trip - whilst I'm off work I may as well, right?

This time, we (Mr B and I that is) are going to Amsterdam.  It's not somewhere we've been before and we are both looking forward to it.  We have some friends there who we plan to visit as well as seeing some of the sights.

So, as usual, I am doing my bit on the planning and looking in advance for things to do during our trip.  Tripadvisor is always one of my first stops for reviews on activities and tours etc so obviously I headed straight there.  One of the recommended attractions is the sex museum, so I had a quick browse through the reviews and spotted this absolute gem (only the title and the first line are relevant)....

I do love how people can draw comparisons against absolutely nothing.