Embracing the weird

First post of 2020, I've drafted this post many times but it's never been published because I've found it really hard to talk about, but here we go....I'm embracing my weird. 

Last year, I spent some time with a therapist and she gave me some information that has been a huge realisation for me.  

The information in question was that I display a large number of characteristics that feature strongly on the autistic spectrum.  Her opening question after only two sessions was - "Have you ever considered that you might be autistic?" 

I was shocked, but on further investigation and discussion with her, it was concluded that, yes, I certainly do display strongly - I just hadn't realised and no one with that kind of knowledge had ever spoken to me to offer such a conclusion!  It's taken me quite some time to fully accept it, but the more I've learned the more I see exactly what the therapist identified.  

The thing I found most amusing about this has been that all my life I've been singled out as 'special','different' or just plain 'odd' and now after all this time I finally have a reason why - it's not that my brain is broken, it just doesn't work in exactly the same way as everyone else's.  I admit that I'd never agreed with any of the people who have ever classed me as 'special' or 'different', I'd always thought that everyone was - or could be - the same as me (in the same way someone doesn't know that they are colour-blind until something happens to point it out). 

This diagnoses has also made me understand something else too...People have often 'thanked' me for somehow showing them that it's OK to be a bit different.  Whether its been due to my flamboyant dress sense or my open refusal to live within some of societies boundaries (which I'm aware are kinda the same thing).  So....I've been happily unaware that I've been showing people that it's OK to be 'odd' all my life without even admitting that I'm odd in the first place!  

So what do I do now?  I don't feel that I'm a good advocate for others who are impacted in far more extreme ways than me so I'm never going to become some outspoken activist for the autistic community, but I can still do my part by just...being me - happily showing the world that 'odd' is perfectly OK and if they want to be a little odd too they should just cut loose! I may only have a positive impact on those who meet me but if a tiny ripple can cause a huge wave, maybe one day we can all embrace our weird and be a little happier with who we are. 

Still Walking

It's been three weeks into my new job... and I'm still alive!

So far, so good...although I have already got a list of pet hates, (mostly about letterboxes!) a few blisters and very sore feet.  I've quickly learned not to underestimate the number of stairs a building can have and how quickly I'm expected to get up and down them, I've met some lovely dogs as well as some slightly evil ones and been warned about a few 'attack' cats.

Definitely the hardest part is the walking.  I know that sounds crazy, I'm fairly fit and it's only walking (albeit with a pretty heavy bag) but the distances covered day after day are pretty high...here's a view of my September so far...and I'm not quite doing a full route yet!

Spot the days off...

It's pretty grueling but I'm feeling like I'm slowly getting used to it so I think I'll survive.

Ready for the next adventure!

Before I post about Japan, I have other news...One Wednesday a few weeks ago, my workplace announced redundancies, my job was one no longer included in the company after the proposed restructure so by the following Friday I had already put in my application for voluntary redundancy.

Also by that Friday, the information of which jobs were placed at risk had leaked out and people started giving me the side-head "I'm sorry" speeches. It was a bit awkward because I'm really not unhappy about it so I responded with a cheeky grin and an explanation that I view this as the universe simply giving me a nudge to go and move on to my next adventure.

I feel like I have the whole world at my feet right now and honestly, that's quite exciting. I know that I'm lucky, I have very few commitments, so this is a great freedom for me whilst I understand that for others it could certainly feel like their world is crumbling.

A few days before I left for Japan I got called into the boss' office and they gave me the best news - My application was being accepted and I was being put on garden leave from the following Tuesday (I needed to come in and see my direct boss before I could officially go anywhere and she was off on leave).  I admit that I didn't do anything from there onward that might have constituted work for the next few days.  My team were shocked at the speed of the process (from announcement to final decision in less than a week) but it was far better for me not to have it drag on.

So now, I'm free....

I'm feeling a little odd about it, if for no other reason than I've not been unemployed since I was a teenager. 

I often said that in this situation I might consider starting my own business - I still might - I've not even started to decide yet. At the moment, I'm planning on taking a few months off and going on a couple of trips with Mr B before I really start to think about getting back to the grind. 

Conspiracy Barbie

I love a good conspiracy theory.  A GOOD one, not the Avril Lavigne one or flat earthers (They're just crazy people ;) )

Today sparked a bit of conspiracy in my mind though, everyone was complaining about being tired, like they hadn't slept well last night.  It's a pattern I've noticed a fair bit recently too.

Obviously, my brain went straight to aliens...maybe all of my work colleagues are being abducted....maybe there's a government test going on at night that disturbs your sleep in the area....maybe we all just had a heavy weekend....maybe it's just Monday...but it could still be the aliens.

Sandman Returns

When I was aged about 15, I got into comic books.  This, according to Mr. B makes me not just a geek, but an uber-geek.  Between then and about aged 25, I amassed quite a collection.  I was always loyal to the same shop - Abstract Sprocket - they were friendly and didn't treat me like an alien (as many comic book shops seemed to do back then when a g.i.r.l. walked in). 

Most of the comics I collected were slightly off the wall, independent publishing house type stuff.  I never really went for the standard super hero type of thing.

One of my biggest loves at the time was Sandman - I have the all of the comics from the time of their release (although admittedly, some of the earlier ones in graphic novels rather than in single format, although I do have single copies of No.1 and a No. 7 (the first introduction of Death) regardless).  They all live in designated comic boxes in my study, only opened with permission, and books handled with care - especially as being aged 15 was quite some time ago now!

I was delighted a year or so back, when Neil Gaiman announced the release of The Sandman Overture, a short miniseries following on from the end of the series.  It was great to be able to step back into the stories I once loved so much again.  This month was also pretty exciting, as a new series was released - The Sandman Universe.

Obviously, I no longer live in the same place as I did when I was 15 - the comic book shops locally didn't seem overly appealing (I did try one - I swear!)  Thankfully, whilst my old childhood comic shop doesn't have a website, they do kindly transact orders via email, so a brief exchange later with the wonderful Mr Dean and No.1 of the new series landed on my doormat, securely packaged like the prized possession that it should be!

I'm now looking forward to the rest of them...

Barbies newest challenge

Whilst I practice martial arts, it's not the best way to keep fit - especially my art as it relies on being relaxed and soft, not using any strength.  So I'm not very food at keeping fit/working out.  I find gyms unbearably boring and the idea of going for a run makes me stick to the sofa even harder. Swimming is fun, but the problem with public pools is that they are public and have other people in! I will use the pool in the fancy hotels I get to stay in though.

So I thought I needed to try something different....and I did.  Polefit!  If you've not coma across it, it is basically pole dancing for fitness. It's not stripping or lap dancing - I have overheard someone in the lift on my way to class say "there's a lap dance class round here somewhere"

Whist it can look very beautiful and graceful, generally what happens in a pole class is that a group of people get very hot and sweaty whilst some of them manage to pull of elaborate moves whilst others struggle to hoist themselves onto the pole.  This all takes place to a background of loud music (not the 'banging techno' you get in gyms but a mix of random up-tempo songs), the occasional cheer of accomplishment, and a whole heap of giggles and laughter.  

What most people wouldn't realise is the strength that pole dancing requires, both physical and mental! My entire body is sore for days after a class but my strength has already improved massively (I was pretty strong before, but not in the right muscles!) many of the moves also rely on you gripping a metal pole with your skin...to say that it 'nips' it quite an understatement...I have a good pain threshold and I felt sick after hanging from the pole by the inside of my elbow! You also need a bit of mental strength to throw yourself upside down and hang from your legs/hands/limbs, trusting that you won't fall and land on the floor in a heap (although that can happen!).

I would love to post a photo of me looking graceful hanging from a pole but there's no way I'm letting anyone take pictures of me doing it yet! (at least without heavy use of photoshop!)

Most classes are open to men and women so if you fancy a real challenge I really would recommend giving it a try...just don't blame me when you can't walk the next day!

Barbie has a productive day

I have quite an odd job.  I do love it, but it can be a little strange sometimes. Other than the fun travel, I'm often stuck in an office looking after my staff, but even in the office I get to do some odd shit sometimes.  One of my priorities for today was this:

I made a postbox! 

Yup, I made a postbox...and I don't work with small children.  We have a staff away day tomorrow so it is part of a bigger plan.  I'm just proud of my postbox!  The ducks are just photo-bombing, they're not coming to the day.

If you're wondering what the boxes are, I've edited out the contact details so I don't get spammed at work ;)

Barbies Forest Addiction

I play quite a lot of computer games - it is generally what I am doing when I'm not at work.  I'm also quite fussy about which games I play.

I'm not very good at first person shooter (FPS) type games (although I do find them fun as well as infuriating) I like co-op versions most but I usually end up shooting my team mates more than any enemies!  Single player FPS are fun too but I have no sense of direction when I'm playing so I find it really frustrating when I get lost or swamped by enemies and continually die at the same point.

I usually prefer strategy or simulation games.  Probably because I can't get lost!   There's been a game lately however that goes against the norm (kinda).  Its called The Forest and is a survival game where you find yourself stranded on an island following a plane crash.  Unlike most survival games there is a big storyline as well as the challenge of simply surviving.  It's quite difficult as the island is not uninhabited... there are 'dudes' everywhere who beat you up at any opportunity.  They are much easier to deal with in a group!

This game has me a little bit hooked...especially as there is a peaceful mode in the single player where you are truly alone (no bad dudes to kill).  That is probably as freaky as having enemies around, its atmospheric and lonely...but somehow still a lot of fun!

Sometimes it bugs...the fire isn't meant to do that

You can hunt food...or sometimes it comes to you and jumps on the fire

You can build a new home

Twisted Barbie: Karaoke Queen

I love singing.  It was my ambition to be fully professional when I was younger.  Unfortunately it didn't quite work out how my young brain had planned so the best I managed was a few support gigs and some local pubs - I still love to sing though. 

The only opportunity I get now is at Karaoke.  It's a marmite pastime, some love it some hate it, but thankfully I have a few local friends and a world full of fellow ninjas who also love it!  I occasionally drag along poor Mr B, who seems to enjoy the atmosphere but wouldn't get up to sing if I held him at gunpoint!  He claims to not be able to sing...I know differently, but to get any better he actually needs to do it more often!

Everywhere I go there seems to be karaoke arranged...

Ninjas in Berlin

Dentists in Hong Kong

Proof the Mr B does come along!

The home of Karaoke...

Proof that I do get up too!

One of the things that I enjoy about it most is the look of surprise on the face of people who don't know I sing.   I must have a terrible speaking voice as people do seem awfully shocked! The group in Hong Kong are even demanding my return simply so they can get me on the mic again...maybe I shouldn't give up on that dream after all...

Barbies Big Adventure: Godan Test

So as I mentioned, for quite a few years now I have studied a martial art.  I love it.  I can't explain why, or how it makes me feel but I really do love it. 

 I recently had the amazing opportunity to go to Japan and train.  It was my first trip over and I was excited, nervous and honestly a little apprehensive.  It was a bucket-list type of trip for me, one I've dreamed of since I started at 17.  My teacher was there for the first few days, he showed me where all the important places were and made sure I was generally settled in. 

This trip gave me the opportunity to take my godan test.  It is one of the few formal tests within the organisation and is the only way to obtain a 5th dan grade. The test itself involves being struck with - or dodging if you're doing it right - a padded sword that is being swung at you from behind.  I arrived on the Friday and made my first attempt that evening.  I think I was too amazed at simply being there to be nervous or as scared of performing badly as I was before my trip.  I and thought that failing would kill my confidence, but surprisingly, when I got hit I was okay about it. Apart from the burning line on my head!...The next day when I finally got up (my teacher had taken us all out and we didn't get home until the early hours of the morning) I realised that I needed to fail on that first attempt.  It taught me the most valuable lesson - what I was supposed to be feeling.

At the Sunday class I tried again, this time knowing what I was looking for and I passed straight away.  I can't tell you what happened, it's honestly a complete blur, all I know was that I knelt, I moved when I felt I should, then there was a shout, some clapping and people congratulating me.

The rest of the trip I attended a large number of training sessions, often getting made to show techniques in front of the class by the teacher as the newest 5th dan in the dojo.  That bit was mortifying but everyone was very nice - I know I looked petrified.  Not as much as I did on the following Friday when the grand master himself pointed at me during class and beckoned me to punch.  I know I looked terrified because people told me so afterwards...but I did it and survived to tell the tale!  Students of my grade wouldn't normally be selected for that so I feel extremely honoured, I'm probably more proud of that experience than I am of getting my grade!

Barbie gets serious...not decisive...but still serious.

I read this article recently, it's being doing the rounds on some of my friends Facebook pages.  I'm impressed.  It takes a huge amount of courage and strength of character to be able to face people who are potential threats to you so I very much applaud Mr Davis for his achievement. 

Reading the article made me think of my own recent internal argument relating to this subject....I admit that I have been a little disturbed of late by a number of posts I've seen shared by friends which are either a little questionable, or in some cases, outright offensive. I'm not going to share any of them here as I don't wish to add to their distribution.  Just to clarify, they are mostly posts which scream of religious intolerance and general misunderstanding of the subject they speak of.

 I've been in two minds on many occasions to instantly remove those posters from my friends list.  The internal argument goes something like this:

Voice 1: "do it! you don't want to be associated with people who actually think like that! Anyone who would share that is a bigoted ass hole." 

Voice 2: "but they're your friend, you've know them for "X" years and you know that they don't actually have that opinion.  Maybe they're being sarcastic or missing the point."

Voice 1: "or maybe they've changed...you haven't seen them for a while, friends drift and people's opinions can be influenced.  Maybe they are that person now."

Voice 3: "but I don't actually know. Jumping to conclusions in either direction may make me the exact person that I'm condemning.  I need to think on this more."

I know I said two minds, but there's always a little voice of reason in there!
(P.S. I'm not actually crazy...I have been tested ;) )

I did challenge someone on a post lately...I pointed out the inconsistencies and errors, and the response I got was confusing.  The person responsible for the post replied saying that they agreed with me and that they wanted to understand more about why people wanted to do such bad things and "ruin our country".  I know that not everyone has a pre-determined level of common sense, but surely, if you want to understand something (in this case it was Islamic beliefs) then the way to do that is to ask questions, or read and learn for yourself...not post intolerant garbage on Facebook. 

Is it me who's missing the point? 

My internal argument therefore rages on...the myriad of voices bickering over whether or not to hit that de-friend button...I guess that in some ways actually writing this post may solve that problem for me....I'll let you now if my friend count inexplicably goes down once this is published!

Whats in a name...

OK so there's been lots of talk lately about names...mostly because some stupid lady (she's "famous" because she was on a reality TV show) went on TV and offended three quarters of the UK population by admitting (and then trying to defend her thoughts) that she made instantaneous decisions about whether or not other people's children could be friends with her children based on their first name.  If you feel like venting some outrage the actual interview is below:

 To be honest I thought it was quite funny and the woman in question simply made herself look stupid when she declared that "India is not a geographical name"....I think someone should send her a map.

I like names.  I'm interested in how they can either shape the person you become, or how some people shape their names to fit who they are.  For example, I hate it when people shorten my name.  I don't complain about it but those who really know me would never dare (except for one especially close friend who has never called me Annalee because she's too lazy to pronounce that many letters so calls me Al instead...I let her away with it because hearing her say Annalee would be like her speaking a different language!) Don't be fooled however, I hated my name until about the age of 12 and wanted a normal name like everyone else.  As I grew up I realised that it made me different and that I didn't have to fit into a stereotype.  Instead could be whoever I wanted to be which I think allowed me to become an individual earlier in my development than others. 

Nowadays I meet/hear of many more people who share my name, (mostly with different spellings but the pronunciation is the same) but people still often react when they read or hear it because it's not common and I'm often asked about it.
Some people assume I have an exotic background because it's not a typically English name (apparently its Germanic) and when they hear I was named after a well known horse rider - Anneli Drummond-Hay - they assume that I'm from a posh background where people are interested in who wins the steeplechase....Nope. My parents heard the name and liked it...simple as that.  (As you might have noticed I don't think they saw it written down or I would probably have a different spelling!)

My name doesn't however mean that I'm a good influence on anyone else (usually in fact the complete opposite!) Whilst I probably would have been allowed to play with the snobby woman's children in my youth she would have likely learned quite quickly that I wasn't the best role model unless she wanted a child with piercings and tattoos who drank too much and definitely didn't do homework!

I found this article about the subject today which made me smile, mostly because the author (Periwinkle Jones) themselves has an unusual name and added the wonderful final line "Let the comments on my own ridiculous name start."   If it's any consolation, I quite like the name Peri but I know how evil children (and adults) can be about names so I guess that Periwinkle has possibly had a rough time of it. 

There has been a visible change in baby names in the last few decades, when I was small there were an awful lot of Claires, Emilys and Johns but looking at the top 40 baby names for 2013 there are very few "standard" names as more parents opt for the "unusual" (which therefore paradoxically makes them common) with Freya and Imogen gracing high spots on the list for girls whilst Noah and Oscar strike high for the boys.  The comments at the bottom of the page illustrate how the more common a name becomes the more off put people can be.  I admit that I would avoid any popular names for my children too but whether they would thank me for their unusual name during their formative years would be another story...

Barbie uncovers an evil plot

This week there was a house fire...I think I can spot the arsonist from the photos posted in the news story about it..

 

This little chap was found in the wardrobe (I know it says closet in the article but I'm not American so it's a damned wardrobe!)   Look at that face....I think he was definitely cursing that his master plan had been rumbled...

Spoiler Alert...or not

Anyone who has access to a TV or the internet over the last couple of weeks has probably seen something about the most wonderful Game of Thrones.  A recent episode sent shudders throughout the series' fan base and set the media alight....two days after its showing on UK TV however the free newspaper Metro published a story about the episode, which detailed the event that caused so much controversy.  (I was lucky enough to have watched the episode already so wasn't bothered myself!)

I guess they had a vast number of complaints however as the next day they published this article. It amused me, seeming to be a tongue in cheek not-quite-apology to hit back at the complaints.

But this does raise a valid question...how long to leave it until you can reveal a storyline without getting hassle?  Personally if its on TV then its fair game to discuss it openly in the same week...I'm a heavy Sky+ user but if I'm really taken with a show I'll keep up to date!  Movies are a bit harder to gauge...I remember a friend of mine reveling the ending of the movie Armageddon as he returned from seeing it at the cinema - I was livid as I was planning to see it myself a few days later...I didn't bother to watch that movie until fairly recently when it was being shown on TV!

Arrrrgh!

Matey! I know its a little early, because talk like a pirate day isn't until September, but a with a little planning (and cash) you can go the whole hog thanks to Dress Like A Pirate.com Their range even include rum barrels of varying shapes and sizes and other piratey accessories like dubloons and feathers.

All kidding aside, they have some lovely stuff for the alternative dresser too!

The Obligatory Festive Posting...

Can you actually believe its January again already?  2012 went extremely quickly, I guess my lack of posts kinda proves that....*whistles*

I've actually had an excellent time this festive season though, a nice quiet time mostly spent relaxing around the house with Mr B...we both had a cold (I've still got mine unfortunately!) so didn't really get around to getting out very far but we are both a little reclusive so that suits us just fine!

We had a fair bit of excitement when it came to our gifts though....I got the best present I could ask for of a new computer. There was much jumping around and clapping when I opened it!  I've always had hand me down machines from other people and never actually a nice new one of my own (not since I was 10 and I got an Amstrad for Christmas! - you know the ones with the tape deck in the keyboard)   Everything is all nice looking and shiny on the interwebs now and I've been loving turning up the graphics on all my games at last! Anyway..enough of my gloating, I should just say I was very spoiled. 

After a huge amount of food and a couple of family visits, suddenly new year was upon us.  Again the reclusive side of me would be quite happy to sit at home in the warm, but we had been invited round out for some drinks and movie watching instead...Apparently we all got bought slogan t shirts for Christmas too... 
  

As an odd choice of "festive" movies we watch Nude Nuns with Big Guns (I know it sounds like an adult movie but it wasn't completely (Gurn argued this vehemently as it was his choice!)...I wouldn't however recommend anyone adding to to their must watch list!) and after the bells had gone and we had hung out the window watching fireworks we watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  B and Lorne had never seen it so have obviously been begging for the education :s...They both seemed quite amused and weren't too put off by the rest of us singing along and joining in with the audience participation so that's something!

Another new year is here now though...lets hope that 2013 is a year of peace, love and happiness...but doesn't fly by quite as fast as 2012 did!

There's always a drawback..

I've not been well this year...since my trip to India in January where I caught a nasty bout of india-belly I've struggled to regain any appetite or eat more than a small child in any one sitting.  Those of you who understand my love of food will know just how terrible this has been for me!  Many people have commented on the plus side of it however...that I have dropped about 4 stone (and still counting at present) without even thinking about it. I've even taking to eating higher calorie foods in order to take in a decent amount!  It's not been a  fun and healthy way to lose weight but it has had that outcome. 

So, I'd be happy about that right?...Surely thats every womans dream, to be able to eat chocolate and still lose weight..

Kinda.

Theres always some huge downsides to losing weight like this...

1. I've had to buy new clothes...OK so to most women this isnt a chore, but I'm terribly picky and have a very specific style, so clothes I like aren't always that available (or cheap!)...and I'm still shrinking so the ones I bought six months ago are already a size too big.  That sucks when you do get something you really like!

2.  It's baltic all the time! I just can't get warm and stay that way, I've been wrapped up like a yeti since the weather turned and everyone around me thinks I'm crazy...I also haven't gotten around to buying many winter clothes that fit me yet either so more shopping required! (boo hiss!)

3. I have bones...they stick out and hurt when I bump into things.  I'm pretty sure they were there before but with a helpful squishy covering to soften the bumps!

Don't get me too wrong, I'm not completely hating the weight loss, I do have a nice figure thats emerged from beneath my old insulation...I'm just writing this post as a warning to all those people out there desperate to lose weight thinking that it will be the answer to all their problems...just remember, once the weight has gone you have more fun to look forward to!

Travelling Barbie

I've never been much of a traveller.  When I was very young my parents took me to the states a couple fo times but other than that I dont remember any other family holidays.  This last year has kinda made up for that though!

At the end of august I went to Colombo in Sri Lanka.  It was pretty amazing, and I hope that I get to return at some point and see a bit more than I did this time.  It was a work expedition so time off was pretty minimal, but I managed to make the most of it anyway.   I get rather spoiled when I'm away with work as its all posh hotels and high class restaurants (not that I'm complaining at all!) but it does mean that you can get an slightly skewed perspective of a place, so I try to get out and see a little for myself too.

View from a hotel walkway...

Rainy season wasn't quite what I expected...10-20 mins of heavy downpour and then back to wonderful sunshine

My Uncle asked me to visit a temple for him...this one.  apparently it was a favourite of my grandads when he was in sri lanka...(I never knew about this until he asked me to go.  It felt kinda special to follow in the footsteps of my grandad like that)

It was a big temple!  Unfortunately closed when I went but work the hours walk anyway, I got to see a lot of local culture during that trip!

Sickening isn't it? this was the view from my hotel room iteself

The hotel gardens were beautiful too..

and I love these trees...I took more photos of trees that anything else!

I took a trip out in a tuk-tuk round some local temples, the driver took me round as a guide and it made for a really nice afternoon, one of my only real touristy moments!

The baby elephant kept at the temple was in Kandy, but they have the old one still there for prosperity...(it was stuffed but still a tad daunting as you can probably tell by the look on my face!)

This is one of my favourite photos from the trip...on the way home I decided to open the window blind when we were somewhere over the middle east and was greeted by this amazing sight

Don't Panic...Yet

Apparently the zombie apocalypse is not yet upon us.  Says the CDC.  Has the panic and rumour really been enough for them to make an announcement like that?...well, personally I'd say no, the stories of the recent outbreak of bizarre crimes and hazmat team investigations across the US (mostly centered around Miami) haven't been widely reported or hyped in the media.  There has been some viral activity of the stories, but nothing anyone was really taking that seriously...so are they really trying to tell us something different?

Fear not however dear readers!....I think that thanks to a recent TV ad that I have already identified the "lead zombie" (they have those right? ;-) ) .......this woman has not aged anywhere near enough in 30+ years that she's been popping up on my TV screen!

Ester Ranzen when I was very young...

And today! 

Olympic confusion?

 Don't panic, I'm not going to drone on about the olympics, but they do seem to have caused quite a lot of geographical confusion.  The olympics are being held in London..right?  I don't live in London.  I don't even live in England.  Yet so many local shops in the centre of town seem to be trying to convince everyone that we do! These photos were taken in the centre of Edinburgh...

London buses, Big Ben and Buckingham Palace...not a usual Edinburgh sight

At least they're not charging too much for them...